your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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