Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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