Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize