He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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