what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
