She said her name was "party"
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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