I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
