I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Pants are for mortals
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
