k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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