Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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