i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
