Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
