I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
