Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
