At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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