your thong is hanging out like whoa
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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