I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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