I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
