Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
