he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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