Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
