No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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