This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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