How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
