Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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