just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
