The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
