Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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