HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
