I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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