Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
