I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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