Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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