Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
