have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
