Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
