He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
