i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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