Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
