Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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