Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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