its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
