I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
