So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
