Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I didn't notice because vodka
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
