The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
