im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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