Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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