Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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