Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
it was like his penis was on wheels.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I have already put on my inside pants.
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