i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
