i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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