I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
