It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
