So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
