I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
