you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
