If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
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The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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