I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
