Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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