i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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