Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
