She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
