My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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