He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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