So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
