i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just had sex on a roof
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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