She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
