We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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