I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
