I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I have aggressive nipples.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
