and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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