I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
