He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
