So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
i believe in u and ur pee
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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