You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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