Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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