sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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