woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
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i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize